"Doing Relationships" RESCUE RADIO with Marjorie Cole

0:00 Music. Rescue Radio, because there's a war for your soul. Yes, Father God, we thank you for the war being won. We thank you for your kingdom coming, your will be done, on earth, in and through us, as it's being done and declared in heaven. And we thank you, Father God, for the context of relationships that you have set us in to love you, to love ourselves, to love one another.

0:47 And we thank you, Lord, for giving us now eyes to see, ears to hear, in a heart to be examined by your Holy Spirit, to let us come into a place of deeper understanding and satisfaction and holiness in our relationships with ourselves, with you, and with each other. I thank you, Jesus, that you died for us. You reestablished the connection that had been broken through sin, and you paid the price in full with your own blood. And we thank you that you still rule and reign as king. You were resurrected from the dead to bring justification and glorification and completion to your mission accomplished, Lord God.

1:27 And we thank you for giving us power over all the power of the enemy, power to love, power to forgive, power to bind and loose, power to be who you've called us to be in the midst of this crooked and perverse generation. So I thank you, Father, for giving us now hope and resurrection and refreshing in our relationships that the enemy cannot bite, divide, devour, destroy, or deceive us, that we'd all rightly divide your holy word of truth, and that you give our minds and hearts a connection with our spirits, and your spirit bearing witness with our spirit today, to receive instruction through this time, Father, and bless each one who's listening, each one who's here, in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, we're going to be talking about a big subject today that really is almost inclusive in every subject and every situation we're ever in, and that is relationships.

2:15 The Bible has a lot to say about relationships. And go ahead. Yeah, I'm going ahead, honey. Romans chapter 12. I just want to read these verses, and I'm just thinking about how many different relationships are included in this. Romans chapter 12, verse 9. Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love in honor, giving preference to one another, not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.

2:55 Now, we get into more of the relationship parts here in verse 13. Distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse, rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep, Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Amen. Oh, repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.

3:42 Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Amen. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? It just covers almost every possible situation of relationships that we find ourselves in. Yeah. Well, today we're going to be talking and basing our comments and our thoughts out of the book, Doing Relationships God's Way. And it's very, I think it's very well written, actually. It's written by Marjorie Cole with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. I was rereading it myself and thought, wow, this is really good stuff. But anyway, let's talk first of all about the definition of a relationship.

4:24 And a relationship is basically a connection, according to the dictionary, a significant connection or similarity between two or more things or state of being related to something else. Our connections with each other are formed, can be formed through words or deeds that are expressed. that express our feelings and our behaviors. So relationships can be established in various ways. Obviously, we are born into relationships, and then when we marry, there's another set of agreements we make, and that creates another set of relationships. There are covenants, there are words. Even outside of the context of birth and marriage, there are many relationships we have in the context of family or country or church or work or government.

5:06 Everything is relationships and everything is connected. No man is an island. That's right. So life is actually full of relationships. And in effect, actually, you can't even define life without defining it in the context of relationships. Well, it's just like your body, you know, your physical body. It's the relationships between your lungs and your liver and your heart. Yeah, there's relationships there too. It's all about relationships. And if those relationships are off, if something isn't firing well or something's blocked here or there, and there's friction withheld, then the whole body breaks down.

5:47 So, you know, Paul talks about the church, the followers of Jesus, as the body of Christ. And that's all about relationships. That's another context of relationships. It's all about relationships, yeah. Everything. And as you read in Romans there, you know, there's very many options in relationships. You can love, you can hate, you can go revengeful, whatever. In the basic healthy relationship, for example, just even the example of your body, your body has to submit to, honor, and supply to each member that which the other member has as a gift to give, whether it's oxygen or blood or nutrients and whatnot.

6:28 And so that depends on, that'll determine the health of the body. So connections with people that we need to love and be loved, to know and be known. These are the bottom lines. Otherwise, we're going to feel alone, isolated, insignificant, unimportant. And ultimately, the enemy uses all of those thoughts to isolate and separate us from one another and then gets us to the place of even to the point of death and suicide. And so most of us, we can look at our life history. We're going to have been wounded and scarred by harmful relationships that have gone bad. Yeah, well, it's exactly right. Because, you know, a relationship can be meaningful.

7:08 Supportive, satisfying, or it can also, because we're close, we become very vulnerable to being hurt, controlled, used, destroyed in those relationships. And I think more than anything else, relationships can be the place of our greatest joy and the place of our greatest pain, our greatest suffering. Exactly, exactly. So we have to, and you know, of course, God does not want us to live in that place of, of pain and isolation and rejection, he wants us to find a way to be loved and to love, to experience the love of God, even through our relationships with one another. Well, our relationships with one another, basically, what about our relationship with ourself?

7:53 Well, everything starts, comes out of it, absolutely. If you don't have a, whatever relationship you... How are you getting along with yourself? You know, when I was going to write this book back in the day, And I was driving down the road on Highway 65, going to work one morning, and I was thinking about this book, Doing Relationships God's Way. And the Lord just popped into my mind in the middle of this rush hour traffic. The first relationship, the most important relationship, and out of the relationship you have with yourself come every other relationship. Every other relationship comes through the relationship you have with yourself. How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as good, peaceful, kind, loved?

8:34 Do you see yourself as anxious and striving to be, to perform, to do? How do you see yourself? And it's out of that context of how I see myself in my relationship with myself. And I don't know if we actually even always think about the relationship we have with ourselves, although that is a constant unspoken in our lives. Everything comes out of your mouth, the way you perceive things, the way you treat other Your people, your goals, aspirations, everything, your relationship, even your relationship with God comes out of the relationship you have with yourself. One of the bottom line things that we've heard with people. Over the years is that the feeling of unworthiness. I am not worthy.

9:16 I'm not worthy to be healed. I'm not worthy for this. I'm not worthy to be loved by God. Or God's mad at me, yeah. I'm just not worthy. And that's a bottom line. Lie. Where does that come from? Well, it comes from the enemy, of course, because we have to put our relationships also in the context of spiritual warfare. Everything we do and live in this planet, there's an opposing force to life. And that is death and that is the lie and that is it opposes the truth so in that context where does this come from i'm not good and i'm not worthy it comes from the jealousy of satan because he was beyond livid when god decided he was going to make man create man in his image and likeness because god had already created a lot of things the animals and the atmosphere and the the the earth sees all of it was already created.

10:07 And then God said, like as an afterthought, let us make man in our image. And I think the reason he did that, at least the reason he's given me to understand that, is that he was looking for fellowship. He was looking for relationships. And you can have a relationship with, you can even have a relationship with a rock if you want to, I guess, but you're going to do all the talking. But anyway, but God wanted a relationship with people that were of the That's why he put his spirit in us so that he could communicate spirit to spirit and we would understand him. So we had the same language, the language of the spirit of God. So he created us in his own image and likeness. So he created, he formed a man. He formed man out of the dust of the earth. Made him like himself, yeah.

10:50 Made him like himself with a spirit, soul, and body. And so that relationship, and of course, that's the relationship. Of love. Of love that has been violated so much. And that's what sin did. Sin brought separation and it just drove a wedge in, a wall put up between a direct relationship with the living God. And so then we'll find that messes up our relationship with ourselves. It messes up our relationships with others. We see that in Genesis chapter 3. Well, it all started in Genesis, as you said. And the enemy, because he was very jealous and very put out, he decided that he was going to separate.

11:37 God's one thing that God wants. You know, he can have everything and anything he wants. But he wanted love. He wanted to be loved and to have that relationship. Of love, you have to remove the element of coercion. You have to remove the element of intimidation and force. You have to—love is freely given. And so he allowed—he had to create us with the free will to choose to love or not love, to receive or not receive, to believe or not believe him. And so he put himself in a very vulnerable position, God did, when he opened the doors to us having the opportunity to exercise our free will, especially after Adam and Eve chose to believe the lie, eat from the forbidden tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and evil was introduced into the world.

12:30 So now, God is always held in—there's always a context of confusion and choice that we're in to whether we're going to believe God or not. Because he is the God of this world and the prince of the power of the air, he pretty much runs everything that he can to destroy and deceive and separate us from God. One of the things that happens, though, is that we get locked into patterns of behavior that affect our relationships. In other words, patterns of behavior in relationships from our past, generations past, even past that we don't even know about, are affecting us today. Absolutely.

13:14 I see that all the time. I see that every day I talk to people. So many of the people I talk to, they're calming and calling and counseling because of broken relationships. I think that the number one problem isn't, you know, isn't even a health issue. I think the health issues come out of the first heart breaks our broken relationships, and then the heart itself begins to struggle and the body physically follows. But the patterns are crazy, and people don't even look at them because we have this idea, this false notion that, oh, we're saved, everything's good, it's all under the blood, There's no problems here. Just go forward, you know, in this la-la land of everything is fine. And it's not.

13:57 And even after we're saved, those patterns of generational agreements can still and are still exist. Operating in the context of determining, shaping the course of those relationships. I see so many parents call and their number one sadness, sorrow, grief, reason for calling is because of their isolation, separation, rejection of their children by their children who rejected them or refused them. And sometimes they have the children come and they're suffering from the things their parents it. Obviously, it goes both ways, but it's always about bottom line. Broken relationships, and they're coming as patterns.

14:38 I see that, like, for example, if the mother rejects her daughter, then the daughter rejects her daughter. Then there's a twist, and so the granddaughter is loved by the grandmother and not the mother, and so the mother then becomes jealous of her daughter because her mother loves the grandchild more than she loves her, or at least she perceives that to be the case. So then the grandchild is now living up under this spirit of witchcraft and jealousy and bitterness and rejection, and so becomes insecure. And then you go back to what's wrong with me. There must be something wrong with me because, you know, or they learn to be quiet or they learn to be isolated or not share.

15:19 So many kids in a dangerous situation growing up will opt for being quiet. Staying out of the way, don't say anything. And because they don't say anything, they don't learn anything about themselves and they just observe everything around them and they're taking into context everything that's going wrong and they're thinking, it's my fault, I should be fixing this. And that's a lot of children. They want to fix their parents who are not being parents, who are neglecting them, who are drinking, who are carrying on. And it may be something, you know, whatever the demands are that they perceive coming through their parents, the child is going to try to fix that. And when they're trying to fix it and it doesn't get fixed and I can't make mom happy and she doesn't want to parent me and dad is gone and he left and he didn't leave any, you know, forwarding address and I don't get to see him anymore.

16:06 The child is absolutely going to take it as there's something I did wrong. A lot of us then are, or basically all of us, are kind of, so we're locked into a preset program of this is how we're going to operate. You know, whether you realize it or not, you're going to, it's a rut. It's a rut that you're going to just slip into right from the beginning of your life. Absolutely. It's even before you take a step onto the earth, you know, there's a priest that already, the enemy's already working on it. That's what I'm saying, yeah. But the Bible says in Ephesians 6, 12, we do not wrestle against flesh and blood.

16:48 So really, we think flesh and blood are our enemies, our parents, our grandparents, the boss, whatever. But really, the evil that's coming through them is from a spiritual source of bitterness and hatred between God and Satan. But we don't realize that. We don't take it that deep. We just say, well, we believe the lie. There's something I need to do different. So, or there's something wrong with them. So, the peace, the unity, the peace, the love, the wanting to love is dangerous to love. It makes us vulnerable to being rejected. So people just opt to take the shortcut and say, you know, I'm going to reject you before you reject me.

17:32 I'm not going to be available to love you. So then fear comes in, and fear blocks the receptor sites for love. What about blame? We always got to find somebody to blame for the way we are. And in a sense, you could understand part of that. Why is a child in the same rebellious pattern as their parents? Well, yeah, it could be, well, it's the parents' fault that brought this on to the child. But then we can't be at the place, and some people just spend their whole life blaming somebody else for their own problems. We always got to find the guilty party, and the guilty party is not us.

18:14 It's always somebody else. Well, you know. the thinking of a lot of people yeah blaming other people why is that well because our basic three the the three primary colors that color our world you know in the in the natural are red yellow and blue red yellow and blue there are three primary issues that we have to resolve and. Overcome in our relationships, in our being on this planet, because the planet is hostile. The three things are safety, righteousness, and responsibility. And you talked about blaming.

18:55 So when you have, for example, if you mix red and yellow and blue in their various combinations, you can get any other of the color combinations. Just depends on how much red, how much blue. So how much is your life involved in trying to establish and secure your safety, you know, so that I will survive and not be picked on and bullied and whatnot, all that entails so I can survive. What do I have to do to survive? What do I have to do to provide for myself what I need? So safety is number one. So we could call that color red, for example. And the second one is righteousness. business, what do I have to do to be okay, to be okay with God, to be at peace with others?

19:39 How do I prove I'm good and good enough to get set, to go to heaven? And the third one is responsibility. Who's to blame? Who did it? And so when you color these three things together, you can get any number of emotional combinations, diagnoses, difficulties, scenarios. Well, one of the things that I think we struggle with is that we have this sense that there's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. Yeah, exactly. And so, yeah, we tend to sin. But who sets up that lie? Who starts that lie?

20:22 It is started by the insecurity of Satan. He is very insecure. He's very jealous. He's very displaced. He doesn't like himself. He doesn't like where he's going to end up. He's very, you know, he's destroyed. He is already destroyed, but he doesn't want to admit that yet. And he wants to get as much, get even with God as much as possible. But it all starts with him infusing these lies that have come through the patterns, that have come through the generations, that have come through the agreements that we have made with sin and idolatry. The very first commandment. I mean, everything is connected and everything goes back to his basic starting point. God said, thou shall have no other gods before me. So when God said that, he wasn't saying that because he was insecure and he just had to have everything for himself.

21:06 He was saying that because he isn't partial. And he knows that the devil, if you start worshiping the devil, following the devil, listening to the devil, getting your solutions from the devil, he sets up the problem and he gives you solutions and now you're in a double bind. So you take those solutions from the devil. You're starting to believe the lie, make agreements with the devil, worship the devil. And when you worship the devil or demons or idols or whatever, they're all the same thing. When you start worshiping, giving them permission, giving them power, giving them worship, then you're also giving them permission to mingle, mess with, interfere with your life.

21:46 And that is where we all have to go back to repentance and confession. God, forgive me. Forgive my generation. If you're having problems with those patterns in your relationships with other people, and you don't know what to do and where to start, go back to the place where God first shows you there was a crime committed. Now, you don't know what went on 10 generations ago, maybe unless you're descendant of some royalty somewhere, and you know that you're related to Henry VIII or Mary, Queen of Scots. or whatever all those crimes were. If you don't know that, you still know back a generation or two, usually, unless you're adopted, unless you're just plucked up and totally set into another whole predicament and you have no idea, no clue of where you came from.

22:30 So usually you can look at this and you can say, okay, I can see the crimes, the bitterness. Think about it, just write down the things that happened in your relationships, in your past with your mom, your dad, your grandparents, how they treated one another. Was there sexual assault? Was there incest? Was there sibling rivalry? Was there jealousy? Was there, you know, provoking? And was there performances? Was there religious expectations? Did people betray? Was there divorce? All of these things, all of these things are the evidence of crimes that have been committed by the enemy and of lies that have been believed by the enemy. So those crimes, in a sense, were victims of those crimes.

23:13 Right. Right. We're victims of the crimes, but at the same time, we have the authorization, because we were victims of the crime, to bring that crime to the court of heaven. So, you know what you can say and you can do is, Lord, God, I'm coming to the court of heaven as the authorized representative of my bloodlines to confess the divorce, the abandonment, the neglect, the bitterness, the rejection. The rejection that happened to me, that's happening to my children, the pattern of my children rejecting me, the pattern of my mom and dad splitting, the adultery, the fornication, the cheating, the alcoholism, the drugs. No end to the ways that Satan can jab that ice pick into our generational bloodlines to try to destroy us.

24:01 So those patterns can be broken. Yes. We have the authority to break those patterns. Behold, all things become new. And stop that pattern. But. But what? But we have to do it the way the Lord God says to do it. How does he say to do it? Well, first of all, we have to identify the problem, identify the crimes. I will use the word crimes because there was insensitivities. And some of these patterns are very subtle. Sometimes it's not, you know, murder or suicide or bloodshed or car accidents that's so obvious. Is sometimes it's very subtle, and it's just the way we, you know, the expectations, the unspoken things we expect from other people, whether it's like, say, performance, or you gotta be perfect, or you gotta make me look good, or you, you know, whatever all that is, sit up straight in church and don't ask any questions and shut your mouth, children are seen and not heard, all of these kinds of little things.

24:57 That go on to make these crimes. Because when you're a child, you're like wet cement. You just pour the cement, and you know that you can make any number of impressions, good or bad, in that wet cement before it dries. And these are what children are. They're like on the potter's wheel. They're just like little tiny, you know, vessels being formed on the potter's wheel. And the devil keeps sticking his stick in as this little cup spins around, this little vessel goes around, to mar and to defile and to somehow wreck God's creation so that God will be deprived of his one desire, and that is to be loved and to love us back. So in all of this, there's one constant in all of this, the thing that does not change, and that is God's love for us.

25:43 God never stops loving us. Just because you screw up and bite the hook and believe the lie and swim in the other opposite direction of God for 20 years of your life doesn't mean God is giving up on you. God always loves us. There's a difference, however, between you loving your child and blessing your child. We will love our children basically through thick and thin, good and bad, but we can't bless everything they do because we don't want to train them to do the wrong things over the course of time. Talk to me about, let's talk about the people who are very secure. It seems like it's a rarity that are people who are really, really secure in themselves.

26:28 They're just at peace. They have joy. They have a sense of wholeness. They have a sense of dignity, if it were, if we may say it that way, that, you know, I'm okay. And it's not a denial, as you're saying. You find people that are just okay with being okay. They're imperfect, but yet they're not in the place of, you know, I'm just living with this whole, haunted by all my faults and all my failures and all my attitude about myself and the lies of the enemy. Are there folks, I mean, who are the ones that are living in a secure sense of wellness, well-being?

27:13 You know, it seems like those are really rare birds. They are. They are very rare because most people are, you know, still trying to manage their environment, making people do what they want, controlling people. because they're insecure, they're fearful, and they think, well, if I can get everybody else to do what I want, then I'll have what I need, and then I'll be okay. So a lot of people still run their lives from... Trying to manage the things going on outside of them. However, the people who have learned to allow the Lord to guide them and manage the things on the inside, to know that they are loved, to know that they're good, not perfect, but I'm following Jesus. He is perfecting that, which concerns me. And they have learned to rest.

27:53 Now, most people that are walking in the Gospels, following Jesus, going to church, reading their Bibles, even praying, they're still living in the context of a false gospel because they really still think it's about them performing and that they're going to be judged on their behavior. And God doesn't, you know, what does a parent want? It's not this complicated, that complicated. What does a parent want? What do you want? Do you want a perfect child, a perfect behavior, perfect scores on every test and every meet, you know, every swim meet and everything they do? Perfect scores. Or do you want a relationship with them that's open and delightful and they're free to talk with you, you're free to talk with them, and you're exchanging information and love and teaching them, and they're growing, and they're believing you and trusting you.

28:41 That rest relationship, that place of peace where there's no fear, it's perfect love casts out fear, conspirates torment. So that place of love is a place of learning. It's a place of resting. And it's a place of being okay with being okay, even though everything out there is not okay. Because everything out there is not going to be okay until we get to heaven. And some of us think we got to wait to get to heaven to be okay. You can't because this world, this situation, the crises demand that we know who we are in our relationship with ourselves, in our relationship with God, and then it comes through to our relationships with other people. Let's talk a little bit about parents that are putting incredible pressures on their children to perform.

29:23 Well, this means that the parent himself is very insecure and very driven and still very religious in their ideas or understandings of who God is, God created us to be. And it's out of being and abiding comes the doing. In the world of context is you have to do to be. You have to do this, go to school, get a good education, incur a great debt, find a good job, a good paying job so you can be a little worker bee for the rest of your unretired life, and then you retire, look for, you know, 20 minutes when you can do what you want to do, but you've spent your whole life doing to be. Their goal, that shiny object on the end of the hook is the retirement now, but you know what? You can't live to wait to live.

30:07 You have to live every day today. You have to live today with, you know, and being okay with, and not making excuses for yourself. I'm not saying, okay, I'm just going to put off, procrastinate, make excuses, don't want to deal with this, and I'll do it tomorrow, and maybe it's their fault, and I'll just wait and see what, and no, it's just you taking the initiative to take advantage of the moment you're in, to live it for God by the power of the Holy Spirit to be what God has called us to be rather than postponing your life until retirement. And also, I know we've talked about a lot of things today and there's a lot more that we are gonna talk about. I think we're gonna do a little bit of a series here on relationships that might help you to get more anchored in who you are and who God is.

30:54 But the beginning place, the place of beginning is to find the lie and get into the truth. Let the truth of Jesus Christ secure us. A big part of that is just the revelation of God's love for us. And we can just say, no, you know, God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and so forth. We know that love, God loves us. We know it intellectually. We know it from the Bible. But the revelation of it has to hit us. In other words, a revelation is something God just shows us. And we know it. When God shows it, you know it, that you're loved by God.

31:35 His spirit is bearing witness with your spirit. Right. There it is. And so, but the thing is, in the context of growing up in God, we have another facet of that growing up in God. And that is the fact that God is training us to do warfare, to stand in heaven, to stand against the powers of darkness. And it's in that context of chastening and discipling and disciplining that many of us also get very screwed up on our relationship with God. We just think God is just, He's going to give us all this little lovely stuff, and He doesn't, and this thing doesn't happen, and now we've got to press in and pray and cry out and examine ourselves. And the devil says, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's because God's mad at you, because you're not perfect, because you're not keeping His law. So, there's a lot of.

32:22 Tricky context to walking through this minefield of life. But the most important thing is to know the truth. The truth comes through the Word of God. And you know what? Another thing, if you're feeling a little ill and wobbly and, you know, sick and unsure of your life in any way, whether it's relationships or your health, whatever it might be, there is healing in the Word of God. The Word of God, the Word has vibration frequencies, and the Word of God, He spoke the word and the worlds came into existence. If you will start reading the word of God to yourself, to your children, to whoever, out loud, out loud, let those frequencies and vibrations and words that are coming out of your mouth turn back to heal your heart, heal your mind.

33:07 So I would say if you want to try something new that doesn't cost you anything except a few minutes, you don't have to make a doctor's visit, you don't have to put out a lot of money, just open your Bible to the places where the Lord directs you. It might be Proverbs. It might be Psalms. It might be the Gospels. It might be the Epistles. And begin to just read it out loud. And you don't have to race to it. Just read it out loud and let the Lord reveal to you, because you're going to be healed through that Word of God, reading it out loud and asking them to the Lord, bringing those relationships with troublesome. Witchcraft, narcissistic, tangled up, bitter, vengeance, vengeful relationships to the Lord and pray for those people, forgive those people, release them from your judgment.

33:50 Let the Lord God judge it. Bless those people with the deep and holy revelation of His love. Bless and don't curse. Those who are cursing you, bless them so they'll stop cursing you. Bless them with the deep and holy revelation of Jesus Christ. And let's begin and continue this again next week, the Lord willing. And in the meantime, you can check out the book and read ahead, doing Relationships God's Way on Amazon.com, or you can find it on our website, liferecovery.com. Let's do Relationships God's Way and see how your life changes. Amen and amen. Amen. Thank you, Jesus, for helping people today to receive these words and be encouraged, Lord God, not to be discouraged by what they see, but to be encouraged in the opportunities that still lie ahead of them to see your marvelous and miraculous transformations, even to begin in them and then to move out or into the relationships they're having with other people.

34:44 Begin your transformation revelations in us today, Father God, and continue to teach us how to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and our neighbor as ourselves. Amen. Music.